Hand to Eye

A picture is worth a thousand words

Sep 19

Sep 7

Sep 6
The worst day of your life is no better than today,she said NEM BadKarma, NEM Submissions, The Maximals (more Edit Juxt MAX It), DroidEdit by Delight Worthyn on EyeEm

The worst day of your life is no better than today,she said NEM BadKarma, NEM Submissions, The Maximals (more Edit Juxt MAX It), DroidEdit by Delight Worthyn on EyeEm


Aug 27

Aug 26
Edit redo for the website.Not to worry I promise not too many. EyeEm Best Edits, Fashion by Delight Worthyn on EyeEm

Edit redo for the website.Not to worry I promise not too many. EyeEm Best Edits, Fashion by Delight Worthyn on EyeEm


Aug 21

Aug 19

Aug 17

11:30 a.m. is technically morning.

Clinician and pdoc Monday,and then it is curtains for her as my therapist (hopefully)

And yes, 11:30 a.m. IS morning (technically) just not in spirit.



Aug 15
This is a diary of sorts so feel free to disregard.It is really for my own benefit.
Of late I have been in the throes of bipolar hell.The past couple of months,years,or maybe a lifetime…I can’t really tell anymore… have seen mixed states (I would rather be depressed,thank you) and rapid cycling or rather ultra ultra rapid cycling.(not sure how many ‘ultras’ there can be before the word rapid)This would suck enough but added to the meds changes I am coping with I have a new clinician.(did you hear me sigh just then?)
The community mental health center where I have gone for care ( for an  excruciating length of time) is structured in such a way that the clinician is your primary contact, seeing the pdoc 2x a year or as needed.(They have other patients,do research,blah,blah,blah).Clinicians are basically the gatekeepers.My new clinician (therapist) and I are not a good match.Let me say that again-we are not a good match. She may be fine for someone else but some of her therapy techniques just aren’t going to cut it.Long silent stares hoping to produce something so uncomfortable that you (patient) will break it. Yeah ,I know that one.Then there is the answering a question with a question…I can do that too,we could be here for a very long time.What do you think? (Insert question here).
More importantly she doesn’t hear me,she just doesn’t and she negates my experiences.She does.There is more but I won’t harangue further,at least at present. I dread, fucking dread , having to see her so just walking in the door I am in serious defensive mode. Boom. She will be there ,as is the custom, during my pdoc appointment re;meds crap (see above) next week.It will be incredibly difficult to have an honest discussion with him given these circumstances.
I am going to have to request another clinician.I have never done this and boy am I NOT looking forward to it.Some ending,let’s talk about it before the change, ritual with a person I have seen 4 times seems wholly unnecessary.Maybe my ‘feelings’ will be chalked up to my mood as a crazy person or the fact that we are new.You get the idea.Been there.Hate it.Maybe shouldn’t borrow trouble but,well,that’s what I do.
I really do not need this shit.

This is a diary of sorts so feel free to disregard.It is really for my own benefit.

Of late I have been in the throes of bipolar hell.The past couple of months,years,or maybe a lifetime…I can’t really tell anymore… have seen mixed states (I would rather be depressed,thank you) and rapid cycling or rather ultra ultra rapid cycling.(not sure how many ‘ultras’ there can be before the word rapid)This would suck enough but added to the meds changes I am coping with I have a new clinician.(did you hear me sigh just then?)

The community mental health center where I have gone for care ( for anĀ  excruciating length of time) is structured in such a way that the clinician is your primary contact, seeing the pdoc 2x a year or as needed.(They have other patients,do research,blah,blah,blah).Clinicians are basically the gatekeepers.My new clinician (therapist) and I are not a good match.Let me say that again-we are not a good match. She may be fine for someone else but some of her therapy techniques just aren’t going to cut it.Long silent stares hoping to produce something so uncomfortable that you (patient) will break it. Yeah ,I know that one.Then there is the answering a question with a question…I can do that too,we could be here for a very long time.What do you think? (Insert question here).

More importantly she doesn’t hear me,she just doesn’t and she negates my experiences.She does.There is more but I won’t harangue further,at least at present. I dread, fucking dread , having to see her so just walking in the door I am in serious defensive mode. Boom. She will be there ,as is the custom, during my pdoc appointment re;meds crap (see above) next week.It will be incredibly difficult to have an honest discussion with him given these circumstances.

I am going to have to request another clinician.I have never done this and boy am I NOT looking forward to it.Some ending,let’s talk about it before the change, ritual with a person I have seen 4 times seems wholly unnecessary.Maybe my ‘feelings’ will be chalked up to my mood as a crazy person or the fact that we are new.You get the idea.Been there.Hate it.Maybe shouldn’t borrow trouble but,well,that’s what I do.

I really do not need this shit.


Page 1 of 95